Sharing my heart

So most of you know I got to spend a week in Haiti this past summer. I've talked to very few people about the extent of what Jesus did in my heart down there. It's taken me so long to process everything He spoke into my heart. It's still hard to put it into words, but i'm going to give it a shot.

I was 16 years old when I know God put a call on my life. I still remember every detail of that night and the exact words He spoke to my heart. I have held on to that call and prayed about it for eight years now. I was at 922 a night in March this year when Steve mentioned they still had a few spots open for the Haiti trip. I hadn't even considered it before then, but I felt God tug on my heart and I emailed Steve the next day to let him know I wanted to go. Everything fell into place within that week. My grandma offered to cover the entire cost of the trip, work switched my vacation time so I could get paid for the week off work, and my mom agreed to keep Grace. I started getting excited!

From the moment I decided to go to Haiti up until we actually left in July, I feel like things in my life fell apart. Not from the outside, but things in me that I never shared with anyone just caved in. I struggled with so much fear. I have never struggled with depression, but this spring I got hit with it so hard there were weeks where it took everything I had to get out of bed and go to work and try to function normally. I cried, prayed, and got angry with God. I felt like I had listened to Him, and took this step of faith to go to Haiti, and this is what I get hit with? But through all of that struggle God showed me so much of His heart for me, and His faithfulness. I know I was called to go, and everything came against me to try and stop me from receiving what God wanted to do in my life.

I could write a book about what happened once we finally got to Haiti! To sum it up, Jesus is AWESOME! My heart was completely broken down there. I have never seen anything like what I saw down there, never experienced anything like it. I had such high hopes going down there, and I was scared once I was there I would be disappointed, that Jesus wouldn't live up to my expectation. But He completely blew my expectations out of the water. He cemented the call he put on my life at 16 while I was down there. I don't want to live this life for me. I want to live it for Him, and use everything I have in me to show His love to those that don't know how awesome it is. The verse He kept reminding me of in Haiti was the one that says "whatever you have done for the least of these you have done for me." I can't even describe the impact those kids had on my life. There was one morning we were doing VBS, and this little girl comes in with some sort of piece of food to share with her sister. These kids have nothing. They live in tents and most of their families can't afford enough food, yet this little girl called me over to her and wanted to share the little she had with me. My heart was shattered in that moment.

I feel like I have written so much, and it doesn't even begin to do justice to Jesus and the awesome things He did in Haiti and since i've been back. This post will have to be enough for now, I'll write more another time :)