Freedom

"Total freedom means living completely fearlessly, passionately, and joyfully- regardless of your circumstances, not because of them."

This is my goal for my life. I want to walk in the freedom that comes from being totally dependent on Jesus, and trusting that He's got my back not matter what things around me look like. It's a slow process, but I feel like I am getting there. It's a struggle though. But i'm taking it one day at a time :)

Enough is Enough

I don't like confrontation. I try to avoid it at all costs. It makes me all nervous, my heart starts beating all fast, and I feel like i'm going to throw up. But sometimes it can't be helped. And i'm pretty sure this is one of those times. This person thinks she can just walk all over me, then ignore me when I try to talk to her about my issue with her. And I have been relatively nice about what she has been doing. But I really feel like I have reached my limit with her. It takes a lot to push me that far but she has successfully done it. I just hope i'll be able to stand my ground!

I realized tonight it's so bittersweet watching Grace grow up. She's only two and a half, but it feels like so much more time than that has gone by since I held her for the first time. I don't think you can truly understand the feeling of sadness until you become a parent watching your baby grow up. I suppose it's because I feel like the older she gets, the less she will need me, the less she will adore me, and the less she'll love me. She tells me i'm her best friend now. Will I still hear that at 10, 12, or 16? My world revolves around her, and for the moment, hers revolves around me. I know that will change as she gets older. I'm just not so sure I can handle that. I want to freeze these moments. I don't want her to ever slip away from me. I guess it's also bittersweet because parenting her at 2 isn't that hard. It's easy to protect her from things at this age. But how do I protect her from getting hurt by people when she is older? No one warned me that when you had a child, you would love them with everything you had and more. No one told me I would love her so much it hurts.

I don't know, maybe one day I will figure this whole parenting thing out? Until then, I suppose I'll just try to go with the flow and hope it all turns out ok.